Eldiring around

So I bid mine goodbye and never knew

Fri, 12 Jun 2009 08:02:51 GMT

Well, I'm back.

Perhaps I should start at the beginning. Thursday last weekI hopped on a bus and went to Oslo, for a couple of reasons. A fairly large part of our extended family were going to hold a surprise birthdayparty for my grandmother, who turned 80, and so showing up and meeting all the people I see way too seldom was a fairly big incentive. Then there's the fact that I would be staying with my sister for a couple of days afterwards, and the clincher was that my mom would actually cover the travel expenses, meaning that I could affort it all.

So off I went, and boy what a trip! It has been, without a doubt, one of the most demanding and exhaustive journeys I've ever been a part of. And I've been on a "let's drive from Trondheim to Paris and back again, taking the scenic route, with 5 people in the car, three of which are teenagers" vacation, so the gravity of that statement should perhaps impress upon people that I don't make such claims lightly.

There was stress. There was scrubbing, mopping, shopping, train travel, luggage lifting, furniture-moving and rearranging, babysitting, pollen allergies, medication mixups, relatives both old and new, and various types of medical angst.

Long story short, I returned yesterday morning, and after a few errands I collapsed on the couch. And slept. For 18 hours. Needless to say, I was rather confused when mom wakes me to say she's heading off to work. When you lay down for some rest at two in the day you don't expect to wake up at seven in the morning. But I guess that's what happens when the body has had enough and simply shuts down for a day or so.

In any case, I'm back. It's been a fun trip. I got to spend time with my newest cousins, I got to stay with my sister a while (who is still incredibly awesome), and I entered this year's period of pollen-pain, so now I don't have to wait for it to kick in any more. I could do a long summary of all the stuff I did and saw, but I'm still kinda woozy in the head, so I'll have to settle for the brief summary I've got thus far.

In any case, I'm back. And despite all the coolness which is my family, the deliciousness which is weather in southern Norway, the desire which is Outlands in Oslo and the niftyness which is vacations away from the home town, I can still say with all my heart that damn is it good to be home!

They're alltogether kooky

Fri, 10 Apr 2009 21:50:42 GMT

I have impeccable timing sometimes.

It's easter. As the vacation time is starting the family gather, a rare occurrence at the best of times. We have plans to go skiing, take in some art displays, play games and in general do family-stuff. The first thing I do? Get sick. Totally sniffling, soggy flu-ridden sick. Which more or less makes sure I'm not really up to much in the way of activities, apart from movies and an evening of the traditional Trivial Pursuit. Fairly typical, come to think of it.

In other news I've gotten hooked on the Dr.Who/Torchwood bug, going through season after season of episodes. While it's entertaining and funny, it does have certain....side effects. Namely, now every time I read any sort of dialogue, my mind translates it in a Welsh dialect. No matter what I'm actually reading. From Courtney Crumrin to Girl Genius, all of it is rendered in heavy Welsh tones. Which is rather absurd to experience.

So now I'm settling down to movie night with the pals, and then we'll see what the future brings. Hopefully less sniffling.

For we've lived so well so long

Sat, 21 Mar 2009 01:56:00 GMT

There are times when it seems like the bad news just keeps on coming.

My Dad's had some serious health issues with his heart the past couple of years, on and off, and now it seems like he's ill again. And he's not really wanting to tell people, not even mom. My brother, who's been having a long-deserved streak of luck now recently split with his long-time girlfriend when she left him for another guy. This is girlfriend as in "lived with for years and she celebrates christmas with our family" type, so there's been a rather big amount of drama over this one. Then there's my problems with my student loans, and how I need to pay them back even though I'm still studying.

But sometimes you get good news. Depending on your definition of "good", of course.

For some time now I've been having problems with actually, y'know, studying. Showing up to classes is easy, and writing all the papers and doing the assignments went off more or less without a hitch, but when it came to actually sitting down and reading the darned material I found myself lacking the capacity. It's something I've always had a problem with. Now, after several years of struggling, a year of waiting, confidence issues and days of testing, the doctors and psychiatrists have finally managed to give me a result:

Apparently, I have ADHD.

Strange as it might sound, this is perhaps the best news I've had in years. Knowing that, no, I'ts not the fact that I'm an idiot, that yes, I DO actually have a disability, is a HUGE effing relief. Not only that, but it can most probably be fixed with medication (Ritalin, here I come!), and they're looking into the possibility of getting me a "coach" of some sort, to help me get structure and motivation.

Now, how on earth did it take them some 24 years before they caught onto this, you might wonder. And indeed, the nice doctors had answers for that too: Apparently I'm in the top 1% of the population when it comes to actual intelligence, allowing me to pass school on raw talent. Until now, that is, when my condition finally hit a level of work that my raw abilities can't compensate for.

For someone who had been convinced he was an idiot because he was failing all his exams, this was information worth waiting for.

So now we'll see how things go from here. I'll have a chat with my doctor, we'll see what medicine I get, and it'll be a gradual increase in dosage to let my system get used to the stuff. Whether or not I get 'coaching' remains to be seen, but now at least they know there's something wrong, and I can finally get some help with the stuff I've struggled with for the past 4 or so years.

Which means I'll have to actually, y'know, work now. So there's some downsides as well, it would seem....

So lately, been won'drin'

Tue, 17 Mar 2009 05:03:21 GMT

I'm sentimental.

I often get emotional if something is ending, or going away, or is going to stop. I always try to hold onto the past, to keep a souvenir or just to have something remaining before it's too late. It's often a bit of a bad trait, since it lands you with lots of crap you only keep because it's impossible to get more of it. Sometimes it ends with me getting melancholic for the silliest of reasons.

Like now, when my favorite web-forum has gotten deleted to make way for an updated version. I've always loved online forums, debating and sharing ideas. I've been a regular at the "Mage" forum for some four years now, with a post count of 5159 at the last counting before the erasing. That's quite a lot of written material, all things told. Suddenly having it all instantly deleted, account and all, was fairly jarring.

What was even more surprising was the fact that such a trivial event engendered such a response in me.

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On another subject, it's not exactly a secret that quite a lot of artistic people have a rather negative view of their own work. It's necessary if you want to get better, after all, to be critical of your own pieces. Of course, quite a lot of people take it too far, and end up thinking they're no good, or that what they make is utter crap. This is especially true for writers, and I've never been much of an exception to this.

Today I learned the best cure for the "gods, everything I do is worth burning" syndrome that tends to crop up: Fanfiction.net.

Sweet lord how many utterly untalented hacks manage to fill page upon page of the most inane drivel ever voiced. Even when the spelling, grammar and syntax is perfectly correct, the content itself is so heinously bad that I'm surprised my brain didn't spontaneously combust and my eyes begin to lactate.

In short, it's been the biggest boost to the self-confidence (writing-wise) I've had in years. It's amazing how creative you feel after watching garbage and knowing you can do a heck of a lot better.

Interestingly enough, I have been told by others that the same effect is achieved by reading Erlend Loe and Ari Behn. While I cannot verify this myself, not having experienced their work, I cannot say that this claim surprises me.

Now I just need something to actually, y'know, write. Feeling all creative and not having anything to do with it is a terrible thing indeed.

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On a more personal level, I can feel my nerves jangle a bit. Tomorrow I'll get the results from some medical checkups and tests and diagnosis-things and such, and those results will have a rather large impact on how my life will go in the immedate and long-term future. Feeling nervous seems like a normal response to this, of course, but I still cannot relax properly, nor focus on daily events. I keep imagining how things

In the dark of the night, just before dawn

Sun, 11 Jan 2009 00:42:31 GMT

There are times when you wonder "how on earth did I miss this?"

One of the reasons I'm such an avid reader is because I was introduced to the Discworld books when I was younger, whose awesomeness more or less hooked me on books ever since.

As an avid fan I was therefore fairly shocked to learn that not only would the first two books be turned into movies by BBC, they had already been done so. Last year. And were freely available on the internet. I knew this was a possibility for they had already filmed another book in the series with a fairly passable result. But missing the entire production until now made me feel as if I'd dropped entirely out of the loop.

So I download it, boot up my media thingie and settle down to check out how it is. Immediately it impresses me, for it seems no expense has been held back. Gigantic models, detailed sets, and a city which looks dirty and detailed. It's thorough and it's obvious that lots of dedicated work has been put into this, something a fan can truly appreciate. It's not some cheesy scam to grab money off a famous book, it's a faithful adaptation made by people who want to make something good. Feeling my spirits lift, I continue watching.

And can feel my jaw dropping. The cast. Just.....oh my god, the cast.

* Terry Pratchett himself gets a speaking cameo part within 5 minutes of the opening.
* One main character, the daft tourist Twoflower, is played by Sean Astin, also known as Sam the Hobbit
* The villain of the piece, the haughty and slimey wizard Trymon is played by Tim Curry. Rocky Horror Picture Show Tim Curry.
* The scheming magnificent bastard Vetinari, one of the best characters ever written in a book, is played by Jeremy Irons. Thoughat first greatly excited by this, I found his performance to be....rather sub-par actually.
* The guy playing Argus Filch in the Harry Potter movies is Cohen the Barbarian, essentially Conan when he's 90.

And then.......Christopher Lee plays the Grim Reaper himself. As in, actually giving voice to Death. It's simply impossible to imagine ANYONE doing that job better than him. He sounds like the Ultimate End even when he's giving interviews for chrissakes. Any movie where the Grim Reaper walks past the characters on the street saying "DON'T MIND ME, JUST PRETEND I'M NOT HERE" in the voice of Saruman automatically becomes an awesome movie no matter what else is in there. That the rest of the film was fun and entertaining was basically a fringe benefit by this point.

And now I learn that their next project is his book "Going Postal", with much the same type of cast and production quality. But this time it's one of the best books they're using as material! I simply can't wait to see it, and for once I'm actually having rather high expectations for this one.

I'm just hoping I won't miss that one as well.

Sammen med de ekle guttene hun spiller med

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 10:49:16 GMT

So. Vacation is over, and it's time to get back to real life.

At least I can honestly say it's been a great holiday this year. Quite apart from some minor issues, gingerbread dough needing to be re-done, stuff like that, it's gone off without much of a hitch. Family gathered, good times were had, soppy movies were watched and awesome gifts were given and received. Our biennial New Years Eve party seemed to be quite the smashing little get-together, with loads of snow. Ok, yeah, the jello was frozen solid, drunk idiots aimed fireworks at us constantly, and I got a serious anxiety attack in front of people (can you say embarrased?), but you can't have everything. Focus on the good times, they're what matter.

Of course, between christmas and new years, I managed to run out of my medication. The top-up I'd ordered a couple of months previously had still not arrived, and the meeting with the project leaders had landed with me waiting for people who didn't show. So I got to experience first hand what it's like to come off the meds, abruptly and with no gradual ease. Let's just say, my inner ear insisting that down was the new sideways was the least of my issues. It's been a week or two now, and I'm finally getting over that "my head is full of wool" feeling.

So now it's time to prep for a new semester, put on the game face and rejoin the human race. Get school supplies, register my classes, attempt to show up for said classes, and in general live. The fact that I am looking forwards to this since it will hopefully distract me and keep me busy is a sad fact indeed.

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Sometimes I suspect that I truly and seriously need to spend less time on the internet.

It might be because I find myself spending too much time reading silly and funny stuff, or watching an inordinate amount of videos and pointless animations, or it could be because I write insane amounts of stuff in various venues. This last fact is, perhaps, what has enlightened me the most to my ill-advised time allotment.

I post on forums. It's how I manage to get all the arguing and nitpicking out of my system, instead of inflicting my family and friends with endless debates and discussions over pointless subjects. However, sometimes I notice that, well, I am being noticed. Such as when, on a fairly well-travelled forum, I saw someone comment on a random question with "I'm just gonna wait for Lankin to take care of this one. Does he have a Batsignal or some sort of equivalent? " While humorous, it was also rather surprising. Apparently, I had become the go-to guy for getting good answers. Who knew?

Later in the same discussion, someone else quoted some of my answers, but changed the standard "Lankin said" info. First with "Lankin, a-ah, saviour of the universe wrote:", then with "Lankin, a-ah, he'll save every one of us wrote:" Anyone who hasn't seen the Flash Gordon music video won't get the gag, but seeing as how this had recently become a huge joke amongst some friends of mine, the reference was rather surprising. Also, the wording indicates, well, a certain recognition.

Another bizarre experience I had: I was idly browsing the internet for some research, and I found an archive of disussions. There was some interesting material there, so I ended up reading random sections, and suddenly I saw my own name pop up. The reply I was reading was something I'd written myrself three years ago. Talk about blast from the past.

So I'm left with a rather strong impression that, well, I've made an impression on the web. I know, it's exceedingly conceited of me, but it's one of those illogical notions you sometimes get. The question now is whether or not it's technically a bad thing..

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Other news: I've now had my wonderful printer for two years. It is a marvellous piece of technology, and I love it dearly. The only times it has ever failed me has been when I've forgotten to feed it ink, which I feel isn't something I can blame it for. In my lifetime, I've had to stand quite a list of horrendous printers, from the merely annoying to the demonically possessed, and so I have always considered myself inordinately lucky to finally have something I can depend on for getting stuff out on paper.

However, things are about to change.

For christmas mother and father decided to give in and provide some of the money towards getting me a scanner, as a gift, yet there remained one problem: Wherever we went, we were told that either a) getting a scanner was impossible and only combined scanner/printers were available, or b) You could get a scanner, but it would cost the same as a strongly superior combined machine.

And so we managed to reach a certain compromise: My sister already had a scanner, so if she also got to take my printer down south with her I could get one of the newfangled combined machines for christmas. Well, get it sponsored at least. Which is how I find myself with a grand spankin' new printer, one which happens to scan things as well, and will therefore soon be waving goodbye to my trusted, dependable printer. The question is: Will the new one measure up?

If it doesn't, I at least it matches my laptop: Sleek black and chrome. After all, if the big lump doesn't work it might as well look good sitting there.

They tell you I'm difficult, but so are they

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 04:11:04 GMT

I've been having nightmares lately.

It's kinda weird, because I usually don't have bad dreams, but now they're happening quite frequently. Tonight, I was filled with panic because the Convention was starting and I couldn't reach it due to bus-klutzing, and nothing was ready in time, and then suddenly we'd lost the house or something and had to trudge through deep snow because we didn't have a place to live (and it had snowed when I woke up, so I'm prophetic now). The fact that the convention was over two weeks ago seems to be a fact my subconscious hasn't let go of yet.

Of course, that's the sort of thing which stays with you for the rest of the day. Especially today, when I overslept, forgot a doctors appointment (again), had to contact 6 friends before finding one who could help, and found out someone I know has been committed. So, y'know, yay : / Going around with a feeling that everything is going wrong and I have no place left to live due to shitty dreams just kinda made it all come together.

At least I'm going down to Oslo this weekend to spend some time with the awesome sis. And I get a 6-8 hours bus journey both ways, which'll be a nice little relaxer I feel I've earned. Just have to figure out which reading material to bring and I'll be all set for a cozy trip and lots of zanyness.

Then it's back home to study for the f-ing exams again. Le sigh.

You know the difference it makes

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 02:03:11 GMT

I'm crap at editing.

I've been aware of this fact for a while, but it really hits home now that I'm trying to finalize the Laiv I'm writing. Neil Gaiman once said that trying to turn one of his books into a movie is like taking your own child and cutting it into pieces so that it will neatly into a box, then piling all the pieces in there and closing the lid. I'm beginning to see what he was talking about. This might not be quite as big or personal a project as a book, but it's still insanely difficult to do what I'm forced to.

I spent several months constructing a complex web of characters, building motivations and connections. I labored to make sure that nobody were left out, that everyone had something to play on, that the text wouldn't get too complicated or too much for such a short event, and spent so much time on adjusting and balancing everything. I even spent two days just getting all the names right.

Now I'm forced to eliminate two thirds of the roles, which means that 96% of everything I've done needs to be re-written. Characters are merged to preserve material, complexities are simplified and stories ripped out. And it's insanely difficult, not because I don't know how, but because I'm having to destroy some of my best work. Something that I'm convinced could have been spectacular will turn into something below average, and I'm forced to do it myself.

My old creative writing teacher told us that we'd have to "kill our darlings", and as usual she was absolutely right. Now the only thing I can do is cross my fingers and hope we can convince people to sign up during the convention itself.

Vänta nu ett tag, nu kommer allt tillbaks

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 03:17:06 GMT

You know it's been a hectic day when you've had to take the bus seven times in twelve hours, and when ten minutes of sleep on the couch feels like two hours, and dinner consisted of two dougnuts and some chips. Luckily, tomorrow will be "stay at home and write like crazy" day, which while taxing at least takes its toll in a different way.

Anyway, I got over my issues with needles and hauled my ass over to the hospital to get my blood sample taken. Of course, I'm just about a month late, but at least it's done now. Woulda done it sooner, but for some reason my local doc doesn't "have the equipment".....to perform a blood test....which they did on me just two months earlier. Oh well. I guess needles are in short supply or summat.

And once more, I found myself writing some description or other, and realized "hey, if I just hit the enter key at these spots, the entire paragraph turnes into a poem. Which not only has the correct rythm, but rhymes as well". It's like my brain composes stuff without me knowing about it, simply because it sounds better like that, and it takes me a while to see what's been happening. Accidental poetry is always kinda eerie when it happens. Who knows what else the brain is doin while you're not paying attention?

My ear is much enamoured of your note

Sat, 01 Nov 2008 02:17:48 GMT

Yes, I'm posting incessantly on my LJ these days. Blame it on bitterness over NaNoWriMo or Neil Gaiman and his non-stop blogging, whichever one you think inspires me the most to be this verbose. Alternately, Procrastination, my God-King.

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Anyway, I'm finally admitting defeat openly. Even though I had planned quite a lot of it, I simply don't have the time to host my annual Halloween party and LARP. It's sad but true. Time snuck up on me with this one, and suddenly it was October, and I hadn't even begun to write the invitations yet. Since I've promised myself and others that this time there'll be some time between invites and party so people can actually get costumes, I feel that the only proper thing to do is to cancel.

Or, more correctly, postpone.

I'm not quitting this thing, simply because the idea for this year is far TOO AWESOME to let die. But it's also more complex than I usually do, allowing more participation from the guests, which means there's a lot more work. And this year, work has not been in short supply. Something had to give, and the weakest link this time was my private little shindig. Having the assistant for this year bail on me (shortly after dumping me) didn't exactly help.

Therefore, people should consider my HexCon Larp to be this year's Halloween-thing from me. It's basically the same thing, only more elaborate and awesome, and with better funding (honestly, they gave me money to spend on this! Who knew!).

So you'll have to wait until another time to find out what theme and excitement awaits you the next time I write my invitations.

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On a related note, I only realized today that as the Administrator for the big event, I should perhaps have an actual costume. Addlebrained is me. However, I managed to find something fitting in record-time, getting some good gear together within half an hour. Go me! I've even got some fairy-wings, and this time Matilde won't be around to film my tighs ass while I'm wearing them. Well, I assume. You never know with her. I just hope that the new location isn't too chilly. Being the scantily clad yaoi-fairy will be fairly breezy I imagine, and getting sick isn't very high on my list of things to do.

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In other news, inspiration comes in waves.

I've known this for quite a while, but it never ceases to amaze me. I can go for months, struggling with a project, fighting with the blank page to come up with a single idea that isn't trite or boring. I can worry myself sick, and all I have to show for it is a grey cloud of 'blah'.

Then, suddenly, you get that one shining moment of "whoa!", and from then on out the material more or less writes itself. Every idea leads you on in a new direction, where more ideas lie. You figure stuff out that seems so very, very obvious now, and now you regularly get extra "whoa" moments as this opens up new vistas. It's something I call a "cascade", and it's one of the most awesome things I can experience. It's just too bad they come so seldom.

The last week or so has been very good to me, creative-wise. And yesterday was more or less a Cascade day. When you manage to compose a poem just by typing out what you're currently thinking, and it not only rhymes but it fits the meter for both rythm and syllable-count, you know that there's a muse hovering over your shoulder and pouring gold on your aura.

The only problem is, of course, that none of this, NONE, is about the stuff I need to finish before the deadline. It's all stuff that won't be relevant until perhaps june or so, while the stuff I have 1 week to go on is still more or less frozen in ice. So that muse I mentioned? She's still an evil vixen, and finds ways to torment me with kindness. I've seen her do it before, when she gives me ideas for new alphabets to develop while I'm studying for exams. Honestly, the woman is a sadist of the worst degree.

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To end this with more fae-related news, there's a new film releasing soon. Though it won't hit norwegian theatres, I'm still incredibly psyched about it, and can't wait to order the DVD. It's called "Were the World Mine", and is based on Shakespear's 'A Midsummer Night's Dream', but set in a modern small-town America. It's a musical, and has been compared favorably with Moulin Rouge, but get this: The song lyrics are Shakespeare line lifted from the play, and given music. And from what I've heard so far it's fairly good music to boot. Honestly, how can you not love Shakesperian goodness like that. That the movie itself seems to be funny and endearing in other ways is an added bonus too, of course. Check out the trailer on YouTube if yer interested!

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Anyway, that's all for this time folks. Expect more rambling as soon as I find something in my life worthy of committing to words.

Lay breath so bitter, on your bitter foe

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 03:20:46 GMT

I take promises very seriously.

It's all to do with how I'm really crap at understanding social situations and unwritten rules and such. I never know where I am with that sort of thing, but a pomise I can understand. It's stated, it's worded, it's definite and clear, so I tend to feel rather strongly about them. If people promise something and later renege on it, my only reference point goes all topsy-turvy, which is never fun.

Conversely, when I say I'll do something, if I've signed up for a task or if I'm expected, I feel horrible if I don't follow through. Responsibility and duties are Big Things, at least in my head. Treat others as you want to be treated and all that.

Which means that it caused me quite a lot of guilt and feelings of betraying myself when I couldn't attent the club this Wednesday to run the weekly game I'm responsible for. Not only that, but I had huge difficulties even finding a replacement. Usually we're two people running stuff at once, but this time all my co-pilots and backup people were off duty for different reasons. Everything from surprise parental visits to opera practice sessions poppet up on the same day, making for some fairly frantic searching for a friend indeed to solve my need.

And why could I not show up myself I hear you ask, faithful readers. The answer?

I was too busy playing with Barbie dolls.

No, seriously. See, here's the thing: My mother is one of a litter of four kids. All those kids have families and kids of their own. Among all those cousins, there's only two girls: My sister, and Ella. In her two years of life, I've only seen her twice. Until this Wednesday that is, when she, her mother and our grandmother came to visit us. To put this in perspective, the last time my aunt came to visit was 8 years ago, at my confirmation. So this wasn't exactly an opportunity one can let easily pass by.

In any case my little cousin had, I was told, entered the phase little girls everywhere seem to go through, where everything has to be pink and glittery because she's a Princess. Seeing as how she had mastered the art of commanding her relatives last february, I cannot argue with her on that one. In any case, while she was here a crate of my sister's old toys was pulled out so she could have something to play with. And apparently, I was to be her dedicated play-mate.

Let's just say, this is the kid who could hypnotize me with her huge blue eyes at the age of 2 months. Now she's 2 years and still has the eyes, but also with blonde hair, endearing shyness, and has learned to speak 2 languages (!). I am utterly incapable of denying her it seems (though the whole 'do this or get kicked out' look mom was making could also be a reason). So playmate I was. Interestingly, her mother claims that she's reminded of me when I was that age, since we seem to share certain traits (constantly telling elaborate stories, being exceedingly rambunctious).

In other words, my day was spent helping the little munchkin to bathe barbie, put tiny high-heeled shoes on tiny feet, and seat a doll in an evening gown on a snow-mobile so it could race the horsie. Because even the most primped-up woman can be an action hero, according to the girl who has Pippi Longstocking as her current role-model and hero. I have strong suspicions that the crazy is genetic in our family.

Also, it turns out even she's more interested in cars than I am. Go figure.

Sadly we only had that one evening, but I'm hoping for some more time when I visit Oslo after the Con. In the meantime, I'll just praise my lucky star that with the new kid the pressure on the rest of us grandkids to gestate spawn of our own won't be too bad for a while. The grandparents have a little blonde angel to exhaust them alredy, so there's no pointed looks or expectant comments from those two, which is how I like it.

Now, the other side of the family however...

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 03:15:10 GMT

It's been one of those days.

Waking up at the wrong time, running off after a bus that's already left, mixing up the time of two different lecures so you miss both, mistaking the date for a doctor's appointment, forgetting the time for a gaming session so you show up too early, and in the end getting confused about the bus home so you end up missing the last chance to get home that way.

So it's no surprise when I get home very, very late and tired, and realize that the reason I've had a headache that day is because I forgot to take my medicine that morning. 'Oh well', I naïvely think, 'I can just take it now, so at least my body doesn't get more screwbally by missing a day's dosage'. Befitting thought to deed I do so, and head off to bed. And it takes me an hour to remember why I'm supposed to take it in the morning: In addition to it's supposed effect the darned thing is a stimulant which will keep you awake for hours. And hours.

Which is why I'm sitting here at four thirty in the morning, surfing the web an posting on LJ rather than being unconscious in bed.

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Anyway, on to different news I guess. It's been a while since I posted.

It's now been 10 weeks since I officially began the "Club Saga" game at the local gaming society, and so far the venture has, surprisingly, been a huge success. Running an RPG for anyone who wants to show up, every single week, as a part of the club's official arrangements for a year is a rather big and daunting task I stupidly enough volunteered for without thinking too much about in advance. Especially when so many people got interested that I've had to come up with two stories to tell every week, and get someone to help run a second group parallell with mine.

At least my fear that nobody would be interested and it would flop after one week has been thoroughly proved wrong, and for once being wrong is a good thing. 'course, now I find how time-consuming this thing is, but perhaps this'll be good for my deadline-skillz.

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At the same time, the annual game convention is approaching waaay too fast, and all that time I thought I had to finish my projects seems to have vanished before I knew what was happening. Now there's only a couple of weeks left, and there's so much to be done. Even though I was supposed to take time off the festival this year for school reasons, what with me not being one of the organizers this year, I've still gotten sucked into the middle of the stress anyway. Mostly because I am incapable of saying 'no' when people throw those big pleading eyes at me.

So here's me, arranging a public LARP for the first time (Live Action Role Playing game), and I've gotten a budget and everything. With limited funds I'm supposed to turn a small gym room into a ballroom, complete with decorations and entertainment, not to mention refreshments. Cleverly enough, I roped in my friend Ainthra to work as decorator, what we me having no style sense whatsoever.

Then there's the problem that we've only gotten 1/3rd of the roles filled, so here's me panicking that we need more attendees or my Grand Thing (TM) will be a huge flop. Ten people standing around makes political scheming and mafia-intrigues difficult. So tell your friends people (shameless plug)!

-----

As previously mentioned, I'm in the middle of an exciting adventure of pharmaceuticals! With rainbows and sunshine! Well, not entirely, but it's been entertaining if nothing else, as anyone who's spent time with me recently know pretty well by now. And interestingly enough, I've been invited to a birthday party tomorrow.

Now, the last time I was invited over there my body had still not adjusted properly to the new medication so I was, not to put too fine a point on it, high as a kite. Blissed out on the drugs, as it were, which is rather unusual for a kid who doesn't even touch alcohol. That was the week I spent an hour or two admiring how my arm connected to my wrist, and how my hand fitted so neatly onto my arm, so when I admit that I wasn't entirely myself at the previous shindig I'll assume people will find it in their hearts to understand and forgive.

Even though I really shouldn't be, I admit that this makes me a bit anxious about actually showing up tomorrow. And the irony that I take the pills to get rid of my social anxiety in the first place isn't exactly lost on me either. But even though I'm much more balanced and, well, sane now (relatively speaking) it'll still be kinda awkward to show up and face people when our first introductory meeting had me walking around being.....weirder than normal. I just hope I don't suddenly get the munchies and start stealing people's food this time.

Oh well, I guess I can take comfort in the knowledge that my chances of making an even bigger fool of myself are very low, and that for once I've remembered to get a gift. Now I just have to remember to actually, y'know, bring it.

----

To bring this endless wall of text to a conclusion, for once I've gotten wind of the 'novel writing month' project before it's actually started, in contrast to my usual habit of only learning of it the week after it's already over. And though it's the sort of thing I'd love to participate in, being the sort of person who needs a kick in the behind and a firm date to work against to get anything done, they have managed to schedual it for the most hectic time of year possible (whomever "they" are). With exams coming up, that whole month is supposed to be reserved for studying, which doesn't exactly go well with writing a 50'000 word novel in the same time slot.

Ah, ce'st la vie I suppose. I guess I'll just have to sit this one out, but on purpose this time, and wish everyone else good luck in their writing endeavors.

----

With that I guess I'll sign off here, stop rambling and move on to other things to occupy my time until sleep finally deigns to visit my tired frame. Good night everyone, and happy dreams.

It's a fine, fine line

Sat, 16 Aug 2008 01:24:51 GMT

A couple of years back, as a PR thing for a new rpg being published, there was an online quiz you could enter to win some nifty prizes. All you had to do was recognize where a series of quotes came from, and though all of them were easy to find by google, there was one which nobody could find, no matter how much they looked. Except for me, who raced off to my bookshelf, pulled down a Hellboy book and found exactly what I was looking for. That's why I now have a signed poster on my wall and a signed brain on my bookshelf.

Zoom forwards two years, and now the local gaming shop has a Hellboy quiz, with questions ranging from "so easy you only need to check wikipedia for it" to "actually needs a bit of reading through google". But once more, there's one question which can't be answered simply by surfing the web, but I happened to know where the answer is. Once more I raced for my bookshelf......only to find that I'd let my sisters boyfriend borrow the book some months back, and they're off in a different part of the country. AND, once I established contact with them I learned they had the book in a different city, packed with some other stuff in an unmarked box.

I'll probably be fine lacking that one answer, but it bugs me nonetheless, as it's something I should have been able to answer easily.

In other news, I'll be participating in another lottery on wednesday, to see what sort of treatement (if any. Placebo is an option) I'll be getting from our health care. I've got a 50% chance of getting actual, y'know, therapy, and though those are good odds I don't like the fact that random chance is involved to begin with.

It's a brand new day, and the Sun is high, all the birds are singing....

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 02:55:18 GMT

I don't like change. My first instinct is to distrust it, and it usually takes me a long time to accept or like it. I don't like throwing things away. It's a basic dislike I can't use reason on. I just don't like it. I hold on to stuff, I keep it, I collect and put away for later. It's silly, but it's the truth.

The result, of course, is clutter. My place is a mess. And as the years have gone by, I've had less and less room to move, to act, to breathe. And I've had less and less access to the things I need and want amidst all the junk.

Well now I have finally, after far too long, had enough. A couple of days ago, I decided to do an utterly thorough cleanup. An impulse for cleaning, fixing, throwing away and making a change has come over me like it never has before. And it feels good. So I've spent a couple of days now going through my stuff, throwing away as much as possible and organizing properly whatever's left. I'm finally putting away childhood things I outgrew years ago, and getting rid of detritus and debris I've collected for over a decade.

When this is over, I will have my place back, better than ever. For once, just once, I might even have approximatelt enough shelf space. My floors will have room to walk on. My bed will not fall apart, because I have fixed it. I will have room to sit down at my desk and do my work, rather than retreating to the couch in the living room. It's already quite glorious.

In short, I'm getting older, and making an adult decision. And in some horrible and detestable way, I'm liking it. Me, the guy with the peter-pan complex. Strange, but true. Of course, the place is utter havoc and chaos until the process is complete, but that's how these things go.

In more interesting news, I've found things I thought were lost long ago, I've found things I'd utterly forgotten I had, and I've found money I'd stuffed away for a later day. Birthday gifts I saved for "something special", and which were left unseen in piles of paper until now. And it's collected into quite the unseemly bit of money, and now I'm wondering what to do. I could buy that weapon of a book, the collected Sandman number 2, and still have money left over for a book or two. So. Anyone got any ideas?

Until then, I will enjoy my own enjoyment of change. It's a rare treat.

And quite a variety

Fri, 02 May 2008 15:45:29 GMT

It's strange. Ever since winter threw its hands in the air and went "Bah, can't be bothered any more. I'm off" I've had constant flashes of....well, not exactly memories, but close. Feelings reminding me of times past. A breeze bringing scents reminding me of Denmark. The air feeling like it did during our holidays in the south. Every day has brought experiences which awaken flashes of things, feelings and images. It's like a wind out of the past.

Then, today, I ran into people I know. Nothing unusual there, but wait! There's more. People I used to know, and spent years and years with once upon a dream, but whom I'd drifted away from and not met or talked to for years and years. Then suddenly, I run into them on the bus, or on the street, all in the span of a two hours or so. Unrelated, yet rather conspicuous in its absurdness.

Is it the weather, bringing old aquaintances back like migratring birds across the years, or is some sort of large-scale change going on that I've not yet become aware of?

Or perhaps I should just get out more. Who knows, stranger things have happened.

If you go, then I'll be blue

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 03:20:13 GMT

Serendipity (Noun)
1. An unsought, unintended, or unexpected discovery, made by accident.

Today's example: Having a sudden urge to see a movie you've loved for years, and yet not having the DVD in the house you get a friend to download it, only to realize that the download has over ten minutes of extra scenes you've never seen in the movie before. Good scenes, at that, and ones you never knew existed in the first place, and which make things clearer that weren't quite so to begin with.

I'll grow back like a starfish

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 16:01:45 GMT

Sometimes, keeping up with politics can really make you lose faith in the human race.

It's come to my attention that a new set of laws are in the process of being passed in the US, and that similar legislation is being considered on this side of the Atlantic as well. The issue is, as with all such things, fairly complicated, but for us citizens it boils down to this:

If the law is passed, unless you pay a private firm to register a piece of art, anyone can use it for any purpose.

This might seem kinda....small. Then you realize that every. Single. Piece. Of. Art. has to be paid for, otherwise you're not tecnically owning it. In essence, you will never have ownership of anything your create unless you pay for the privilege. Anything you draw, anything you sculpt, all of it is up for grabs unless you pay a hefty sum to a private firm to Register it.

In other words, anything you've ever made can now be stolen legally. You have no say in the matter. Unless you can afford to do so, of course. It all boils down to: Only rich people can be artists, because poor people can't afford to make art. If you can't pay, you can't live off your art, because anyone can steal it for free.

Let's just hope the laws aren't actually passed. Because if they are, they govern american-based internet sites too, like DeviantArt. Which means that it affects a whole lot of people and their works. And here I thought that the political idiocy of another country wouldn't affect me. How wrong I was.

Here we have an article about the issue from a slightly more informed fellow:
http://mag.awn.com/index.php?ltype=Columns&article_no=3605

While we spoke of many things, fools and kings

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 23:05:57 GMT

Irony of the week: After waiting two months for the appointment to have my concentration and memory tested, I manage to forget the exact date, and so have to wait another month.

She can be my princess or she can be my whore

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 01:47:23 GMT

For much of the Easter holidays, I was deprived of internet. At first, it was because my beloved sister had brought her laptop, which is quite the pirate. As long as it's active, I can't get a connection on the wireless. Not that this was much of a problem, seeing as a holiday usually has a lot of other stuff going on than non-stop websurfing.

But then, the problem occurred even when her laptop wasn't on, or not even in the house. And I thought it would go over once the local net wasn't so strained. I was wrong. And boy, do you notice it when you're totally bereft of internet, and there's vital information you need (Classes started when? The easter bus routes are what now?).

So a very aggravating process of figuring out what was wrong began, with several people getting annoyed and vexed as they went through the machine settings, restarted the router, fiddled with the firewall, etc, etc. But no matter what we did, not a single network was detected, unless I plugged in directly, making the other people in the house annoyed.

Then my friend Paul comes by, and since he's more skilled at this sort of stuff, I ask him if he can take a look at it. Lo and behold, five finutes later, he's fixed it. And how did he manage this amazing feat of computer wizardry? What was ailing my poor laptop, you might wonder.

Turns out the wireless function has an on/off switch on the side of the machine, and it'd gotten toggled into the "off" position by accident.

D'oh indeed. At least now we know. And knowing is half the battle.

It's been a while since I could say

Thu, 21 Feb 2008 04:01:42 GMT

Random facts:

1. invisible ink is perhaps the coolest thing since toasted bread. After a week of tardiness, I finally managed to get a hold of an UV-lamp, and now my normally-clear-as-water ink glows with an eerie ghostly sheen. And the effect in writing is frickin' rad. Too bad the camera has problems picking it up though, or I'd add some piccies.

2. Having an asthma attack and overeating is not a good combination after a hard day of exertions. Seldom has my body been so confused about which "danger!" signal should be most important. Kinda strange.

3. After waaaaay too long time I've finally managed to kick myself into seeking help with my people-problems (namely that they're scary), and had my first meeting with people today. Seems promising, if only because now they'll ask me to come back, and I'll feel guilty if I don't show up, as opposed to the whole "too scared to seek help" phase I've been having the past......years. So I guess we'll see how things work out then.

4. Now that I've begun to get stuff scanned and added to DA, I've begun to draw lots of stuff once more, and as a result my style is improving by leaps and bounds. 'course, hands and heads are still wonky in their sizes, but still, progress. Now I only need a pen which doesn't make ugly blots on the noses all the time.

5. I'm frighteningly good at planning heists and assassinations. Who knew?

6. The Cows of the Universe have become far too widespread a phenomenon. I think they might be up to something.

Today's the day that dreaming ends

Thu, 14 Feb 2008 22:44:06 GMT

There are good days, and very good days. Then there's bad days and very bad days.

What do you do when you have a very good and a very bad day at the same time?

So many cool things happened today. Books and Comics I've been waiting for quite a long time were suddenly in store today, while they coincidentally had a 3 for 2 sale. Not only that, but I got a new pen and som ink in the mail, and it's one of them coolest things I've used in a long time. It seriously feels awesome just to write with it. Yes, I'm that much of a geek. Also, there was finally gaming for the Fae group.

Then again, I'm still sick, and because the bus had a collapse I had to walk half an hour to get to the post office, and a snowstorm started up just as I began to walk, and didn't let up until I'd actually reached said post office. When you've spent 2 weeks trying to get well, being so cold it physically hurts isn't very enjoyable. Spending the evening exhausted, dizzy and confused due to the day so far was something of a downer. Also, it's the 14th.

So do you rejoice or complain?

Whatever I end up doing, I'll be writing with a new kick-ass dip pen, using cool new ink. As long as there's something to write about, positive or negative, life can't be too bad, one thinks.

The day when dreaming ends

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 23:20:02 GMT

Yesterday, I was certain that I'd be very sick today, and I was absolutely correct. Precognitive Abilities, we hope?

The weird part, of course, is that this has forced me to stay wrapped up in blankets, on the couch, and so I've ended up getting more stuff done than I've managed for two weeks or so. So apparently, having the flu is good for you, in a roundabout way.

Also, I lost my voice, which caused no small amounts of laughing from the family, so at least I know my boundless wit and humour transcends such petty barriers as vocalization inability. Also, glad it happened on the one day I don't actually have to run play session for people.

So the evening will be spent with delicious home remedies for sore throats and soppy movies I borrowed from the girl in the basement. Was surprised to learn she had Romeo & Juliet, which is always fun.

My only regret is that I'll probably be too ill to attend the birthday party tomorrow, but c'est la vie I assume. On the other hand, Dad is home, so Mom will be making some special and fancy dinner, and there'll probably be some gituar and singing afterwards (if I get my voice back, at least), so staying at home will have certain advantages as well.

Reflecting on the irony that one is thankful for being infected with a vicious microscopic entity, and wondering if I can convince mother that the ice cream in the fridge will soothe my terrible suffering.

She never let her bed get cold

Fri, 25 Jan 2008 23:01:40 GMT

The brightest and happiest moment for me this month?

Going to the dentist.

It actually caused more joy than anything since christmas.

Gore-tex mot regnet / Desember-tunn luft

Tue, 08 Jan 2008 02:02:26 GMT

Knowing too much can be a bad thing.

For many people who have a close tie with the world of reading, books can become akin to close friends. There are books we turn to for comfort, there are books we enjoy wile in good spirits.There are books to get lost in for hours and hours, and there are books which are quickly finished but that can stay with you for the rest of your life nonetheless.

Yet for some reason, we expect the authors who make the books to share some of the same qualities. We would expect Douglas Adams to be a fun person, or Gårder to be a person prone to odd trains of thought, blundering along about lofty philosophical topics. Of course, this isn't always the case. Many people express themselves very differently indeed in text than they ever do in real life, but at least it is the same person in both instances. Both have the same beliefs, if not the same voice, so to speak.

It can therefore be heartwrenching to learn that someone who's work you loved is, in reality, a shit-bag. It's like being betrayed by a friend, because how can someone who produced works with such compassion, understanding, wisdom and acceptance be a person who doesn't actually believe in those same ideals? How can a heartwarming piece of fiction have been composed by a rude, arrogant, beliggerent, obnoxious, self-absorbed, over-zealous bigot?

That's more or less the situation I found myself this monday, where I'd stumbled over the blog on the website of an author I'd revently discovered and come to adore immensely though his stellar work. But when reading over the things he spouted on his private log, with page after page of vicious attacks and cruel messages of hate, I felt like I'd been stabbed in the back.

I know others have had similar experiences. It's just a year or two since an acclaimed sci-fi author known for his focus on tolerating the differences in people went public with his full support of discrimination and religion-based bigotry. There was a lot of talk about it online, and I think Aeire (author of Queen of Wands) said it best in her reaction to it all: For her, the books were ruined. Reading about how one should show tolerance felt follow when you knew the author didn't actually mean it. It's a lie, basically, and one which is jarringly painful when it destroys something you had genuine emotion invested in.

Back then, I though it was sad to see people being disappointed like that, but it wasn't until yesterday that I actually understood the feeling, and it's taken me some time to get over it, and get enough distance to write this in a semi-objective fashion.

Is there a bottom line? I don't know. As a child, I never really had any heroes, or people I looked up to. I had no big illusions that were shattered by growing older (comes with being cynical from a young age, I guess). But I had one such experience this monday, where I learned that even authors, good ones, can let me down in a horrible way. That books can be as false as anything else, no matter how good they are.

And it's a lesson I didn't really want to learn. But then we seldom get to choose which changes will befall us in life. We just have to pick up the pieces and move on from there.

Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth

Fri, 07 Dec 2007 00:52:14 GMT

Some days you know you should have stayed in bed.

After weeks of reading and preparations, of spending all the hours of the day in the reading roms, I thought I could make it good on the math exam tomorrow. And as I check online to see where the exam is being held, I realize that I've confused the dates. Tomorrow is Space Technology. Math is the 19th. And I haven't even begun to prepare for Space Tech yet. Wheeeee. Ain't life grand. Le sigh.

So now I'll proably flunk the ONE subject this year I thought I could really ace, which could be fun and interesting. Because I'm such a clutz that I mixed up my exam schedual.

To keep my spirits up I joined some friends at the very last minute to go see The Golden Compass.

I'll just warn people: I will be ranting and raving about this movie for weeks. Seriously.

Not only did they remove what the movie is actually about. Not only did they twist the methods and motives of antagonists. Not only did they remove vital pieces of plot and foreshadowing.

But they made a crappy movie.

I mean, if you're to pay no respect to the book when you're making a movie out of it, you can at least take those liberties in the name of good movie-making. If the changes make the film better, then at least you have a valid reason for doing so. But no, the movie has strange pacing, distracting special effects, is slooow in the beginning and skips the fun parts towards the end.

Oh, and they forgot to include, you know, the actual ending of the book.

See, the book has a climax. you get a sort of resolution, an explanation and a feeling of HUGE accomplishment. That the world has been changed, that monumental things have happened. Because they have. The scene is set for the rest of the series, as the sky opens up for all the world to see.

But no. They end it with a sappy epilogue and dramatic posing as beautiful woman says something cryptic which will look good in trailers. Bah. they forgot the last two-three chapters which could have saved the movie somewhat.

It's like watching Lord of The Rings, and at the end they forget to drop the ring into the volcano.

There's also that annoying thing of introducing major characters by literally having them drop out of the sky, state their names, make them repeat what we already know, and then having them disappear again. It feel extremely clumsy. It's only so it doesn't feel totally random when they show up later to be the helping cavalry, but it's not an elegant solution. It's bad handiwork, when you come down to it.

Also, personal pet peeve: Why of why can't they spell the actual names correctly? Is it that difficult to check the book before putting your hands on the keyboard? I'm sure there's more. I had a large list of problems with the movie, but that's all I can remember at the moment.

Of course, the visuals were stunning. It was amazing to see some of the things they had designed. But that's about it. Nice movie to watch, if you're only after architectural eye-candy.

I guess I'll just have to give people the audio-book for christmas, so they know what they're missing.